When we talk of relationship boundaries, we mean the limits that one partner should not cross. Setting boundaries dictate the safety of the parties involved.
No one enters a relationship with the motive of ending it soon. Everyone has a goal of having a long term relationship with the other partner.
We have seen and heard of relationships breaking even after so many years of being together. Do you know why? In most cases, it’s due to a lack of or inappropriate relationship boundaries.
To succeed in any relationship, it’s advisable to set clear boundaries at the beginning of it.
We live in a world where relationships are important in day to day life. Imagine having no one by your side during your lowest moments in life? Sounds disgusting, right? That’s why you should at least have one trusted friend or partner with who you can share your feelings.
But wait, do you know there should be boundaries between you and that friend or partner of yours? Let me bring to light why you should have boundaries between the two of you guys.
Importance of setting relationship boundaries
- It’s the number one source of respect. Respect is a very critical issue in a relationship. The funny thing about respect is that it’s mutual. To be precise, disrespect causes a breakup.
- Relationship boundaries reduce the chances of breakup. Setting clear boundaries ensures that no one invades the other party’s zone.
- Relationship boundaries promote growth. This is because there is no frequent fighting. Show me a frequently fighting couple and I will show you stagnation in place.
- Relationship boundaries reduce the chances of stress and depression. Having boundaries ensures that you do not get stressed by what doesn’t concern you.
- Boundaries help each party to be responsible for their words and actions.
I’m glad you now know the importance of setting relationship boundaries. I’ll be happy to help you know the points where you should set boundaries in your relationships.
Now, let’s go to the boundaries. Here are the 10 important relationship boundaries that should be built between two partners.
1. Set relationship boundaries about expectations
They say that too much expectation is bad in a relationship. When you are ready to start a relationship, you should first talk about expectations. This ensures that you don’t expect more than your partners can deliver.
Talking about expectations saves both of you a lot of time. For instance, a lady may be expecting her boyfriend to take her home after let’s say 3 months into the relationship. On the other hand, the boyfriend could just be in the process of sampling before he makes the final decision.
If this expectation is not discussed at the beginning, there will be chaos all over after the three months. But when there is discussion, they will both come with a mutual solution before they start the relationship.
While starting a relationship, everyone expects to be treated with love, kindness, and care up to a certain level. Talk about these expectations and come up with a mutual agreement about them.
Make sure to let your partner know what you cannot comfortably deliver. This reduces future heartbreaks and regrets.
2. Growing together
This is another issue that needs clear communication at the beginning of a relationship. How far are you willing to grow your relationship? Is it worth the trial?
Some parties will just be after fun but not growth. If you are not comfortable growing with that particular person, let them know early in advance. You can imagine spending 3 to 5 years in a relationship without any significant growth.
I keep on saying that time is a valuable asset in this era. The more you waste time, the more you are left behind. Talk about what things you are supposed to do together and the ones you should not.
There are some relationships which you will need to start a business or a family together. You should strive to set boundaries whether to grow together in those particular aspects or not. If you are to grow together, you should set limits on which you are supposed to invest together.
You should also have a limit on the number of children you are going to have. This is a very crucial topic, especially in these tough economic times. This is because you cannot bear children that you cannot afford to bring up. Discussing this topic ensures that you are both on the same mutual agreement before you commence anything.
Financial boundaries are very important in any relationship. This is because getting money has become a hard task especially in the middle of a pandemic.
People have lost jobs and businesses during this coronavirus pandemic. You should at least set boundaries on how you should spend money on your fiancé.
Setting financial boundaries in a relationship helps to reduce the dependency ratio. There will also be a mutual understanding when the other party says No.
It’s good to set boundaries on how you should spend your finances in case you are building a family. Sharing responsibilities in a relationship eases things for the better.
Before you get into a serious relationship, you should know who is responsible for different things at home. Imagine having a spouse who cannot help in simple responsibilities like grocery? It sucks, right? That’s why you should set the records straight on who should do what and when at the beginning.
Ensure that your fiancé understands the financial difficulties that you are experiencing. This will have the mentally prepared to know that you may not be available financially.
Having a budget allocation to every dollar ensures that there is no misuse of money. Set financial boundaries in a relationship to ensure that no one missuses the other party.
Should you have joint bank accounts or different? Make your partner understand what kind of bank account feels comfortable with you.
4. Set relationship boundaries about the past
We all have a past, whether a good one or bad. It’s a very bad idea to have a partner who keeps on nagging about your past. A bad past for this case. That’s why it’s always advisable to have a boundary when you are talking about your past.
It’s good to let your partner know about your past accomplishments and mistakes too. This one should be reciprocal for it to work better. Don’t expect to know your fiancé’s past if you don’t want to share yours.
Again I advise you to have a boundary in what you share with your partner about your past. Some bad experiences are better left unsaid for the better of both of you. If you don’t feel comfortable about sharing some specific things about your past, kindly don’t.
5. How should your privacy be?
Every individual has a right to privacy in any relationship. You have the right to keep your small secrets for yourself for whatever reasons you may have.
Don’t feel uncomfortable unveiling your secrets, you don’t have to do it. Your partner should be able to stay well with you having secrets; they may also go ahead and keep secrets too. Set boundaries on the things that you should not talk about. This is because some memories bring bad moods in to our present and no one likes that.
For example, you may have been through a sexual abuse when you were young. Bringing such topic again back to life will have a bad impact on the party involved.
That’s why it’s important to set privacy boundaries in relationships. I just hope you will be able to understand each other.
Personal space is crucial in any relationship. Items like mobile phones and personal computers should not be touched by a spouse. But if you are both comfortable with it, just set the records straight.
6. Relationship boundaries on what to say or not
Some people talk too much while they are angry while others don’t. Some words should never be said to a partner no matter what happens. You can be forgiven for what you say but they will never forget the bad words.
You should set clear relationship boundaries about the words you don’t want to ever therefrom your partner. Silence is better compared to bad words.
For instance, you should never talk about divorce or breakup when you are angry. It will come to you if you call it. These bad words have a great negative impact on one’s feelings.
Having clear boundaries on what to say or not help in maintaining a healthy relationship.
7. What boundaries to have on social media
Social media has become a place where we meet online judges. I have seen people posting a lot of private information on their social media platforms. Others post their disagreements on social media for other people to judge.
There is something you need to know about social media. People go there to combat stress and depression. You will get a lot of negative comments. People are already fighting their problems; don’t expect them to solve yours. They will just fuel your break up or divorce.
You should set relationship boundaries on what to post on social media, be it photos, stories, celebrations etc. Not everything in your relationship needs public opinion. Some need to be solved by the two of you, without family and friends.
8. How often you should talk
This goes to those who are in long-distance relationships. Long-distance relationships occur due to unavoidable circumstances which makes it impossible to stay together.
You can set boundaries on how often you should talk to each other to ensure that you are all in peace. There are moments which one of the parties can be so fixed to work or studies. Talk about what you should do in those times.
You should create a specific time for communications when everyone is free of work. Don’t interfere with your partner’s work or study schedule to talk.
Set relationship boundaries and you will be able to survive the relationship.
9. How to settle disputes
We are human beings and we often make mistakes. Mistakes are inevitable while in relationships. Some mistakes are committed deliberately while others are done unknowingly. That’s why it’s important to set ways to solve disputes.
If handled wrongly, disputes can cause breakups or even a divorce. We are not after breakups, right?
To settle disputes, you both need to be composed and focused to do so. It’s more likely to get out of control when arguing about who is right. There have to be boundaries in this, otherwise, everyone will want to be right.
Being able to solve disputes is a positive sign of progress in a relationship. We should all focus on peace and not disputes.
Before anyone met with their fiancé, they initially had a family. The family will always be present where you have a fiancé or not. You cannot do away with family.
You should make sure that you set the relationship boundaries between your family and your fiancé. Neither your family nor your fiancé should cause disagreements with you. Setting relationship boundaries ensures that everyone stays in their lane.
Can you imagine being between a rock and a hard place because your fiancé is at loggerheads with your family?
Setting family boundaries ensures that there is respect between your fiancé and family. No peace can prevail where there is no respect.
I’m happy that you chose to read from top to bottom, congratulations on that. I know you are now aware of where you have been going wrong in your relationships.
I’m sure that you will put into action all that you have read above. Set boundaries in relationships if you really want them to stay longer.
If you accept your fiancé the way he /she is, your relationship is more likely to stay for the longest time possible.
If you had not set deadlines for your relationship, now you have the guideline to do it.